A Side of Regret
by writergirl96
Summary: Night before Lucas' and Lindsey's wedding. Brooke and Lucas admit their biggest regrets. One Shot


_Brooke_

There's a lot of things in my life that I regret. Like the fact that I let my mother fire Rachel, that I let my career come in front of so many good friendships. I regret partying so much and all the guys that I don't remember. I regret my cynical view on relationships after Lucas and all the heartache that caused my after. I regret Chris Keller and Nick. All of the things that I, Brooke Davis, used to look at as conquests now look at as regrets.

But the one thing that I regret more than any other, the thing that makes me wake up in the middle of the night, crying and wishing I could go back is Lucas Scott. I regret letting him go. I went over to his house that night and my heart was shattered into a million pieces. But I'd thought he could fix that. I mean, he was the guy who stood on the beach that night, telling the world he was the one for me. He was the guy who made the shot in front of naked Rachel, blind-folded. He'd invited me into his house, given me his room and painted his door red just so I could keep on being the girl behind the red door.

He was the boy that loved me.

So when I'd gone there that night I hadn't expected to find Peyton there but more than that, I hadn't expected that he would just let me go. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing his genuine heartache and I kept thinking, there is no way that he's just going to let me walk out of here. He can't. He loves me. But maybe he just didn't love me enough to stop me. Maybe we'd put each other through too much already. Maybe our hearts were broke and we somehow stopped needing each other. I just don't know.

I've gone over it all a hundred times. It's been five years since he and I were together, five years since he held me or told me he loved me. But it hasn't been five years since he kissed me. That happened three years ago in New York. We pretended to be engaged for the night and it seems like it was the only time that I was ever really happy since we broke it off. My Lucas was by my side and when he kissed me, for just one second he was mine again. But I broke the kiss because I'd sworn to myself that he would be ready if we ever tried it again. He and Peyton would be over forever.

But sometimes I just know that it'll never happen. She'll never release her hold on him and he will always love her. He said it in his book. He said that he would always love her and that they were destined to be together. He never said those things about me. And maybe one day, that won't hurt so much. But it's not today.

But he's getting married tomorrow to a wonderful girl. The girl that should be the girl of his dreams. She's smart and she's beautiful and she's funny but I know that she isn't the one he falls asleep dreaming about. I have no doubt that he loves her. I see it every time he looks at her but…she's not Peyton. And neither am I.

My mother said to me that night in New York when she came in and saw Peyton's ring on my hand that I had too much to loose to pay attention to boys with rings. And she was right. I did. But Lucas Scott was the one boy that I would've lost it for. He was the one boy that if he asked me, I still might give it all up for.

But he won't. So I just keep on living….keep on living.

_Lucas _

There are a lot of things in my life that I regret. I regret not calling my mother more after she moved away. For a long time I regretted not holding on to the café and doing something with it but then Brooke Davis bought it and…I felt good about it. I regret not spending more time with Keith and listening to him more. I regret letting Dan get close to me, close to my mother. I regret that Haley and I didn't hold onto our friendship more after Nathan and everyone else got involved with us. But most of all, I regret breaking Brooke Davis's heart.

I regret that I didn't know what to say that night, that I didn't hold on to her with every shred of life that I had in me. I regret not calling her more and making her cry. But there is one thing that I don't regret and that one thing is walking away from Peyton in L.A., taking my ring with me.

Everyone thinks that she was my one, true, great love. Everyone thinks that I spend everyday thinking about her and wishing she was mine again. They all found out about the kiss and they all take it that I shouldn't marry Lindsey tomorrow and sometimes I wonder if their right, if I shouldn't. But my reasoning and their reasoning are different. Mine has nothing to do with Peyton Sawyer.

There is no doubt that I love her, that I've always loved her and I always will. She's a beautiful, amazing girl and I'll always remember our relationship with a sort of fondness, remembering our good times. But in truth, we were always better off as friends. It shouldn't have gone as far as it did and it took me a long time to realize that. To realize why she really said someday. It wasn't about following our dreams, or her going back to Tree Hill to face painful memories. She'd hesitated in that moment, wondered if I was really the one for her, and in that same moment, I'd known that she wasn't.

So I'd gone to New York after Lindsey's call and I'd ran into Brooke Davis. I'd kissed her that night, given her Peyton's ring as a joke and then realized that I wanted to see that ring on her finger forever. It seemed right to me and I knew that after all my time wondering who I was, who I was suppose to be with, that she'd been there all along.

She's beautiful and fiercely independent. She's really turned into something but I never doubted that. I've always known she's amazing and that she'd change the world. I watch her and I see her with her fashion line and magazines and I'm so proud of her. I look into her eyes and I know that I love her every bit as much, if not more, than I did five years ago. Back when I still called her mine.

But I'm getting married tomorrow. I've got a lot going for me, a great girl, a good career. I know I have so much to loose. But Brooke Davis is the one girl that I would lose it for.


End file.
